I think i peed on brittanys purse
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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