My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
