yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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