White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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