btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cut my penus on the lid.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
