On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
