we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
