yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
