i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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