I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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