I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
