Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
