lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
