last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
