so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
