The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
