Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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