I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
