It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
