get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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