Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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