A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
