he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think people are normalizing furries
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
