she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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