Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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