if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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