did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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