Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
