I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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