dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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