i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
