I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
