i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i think i just lost a toe
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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