Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
