someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
