yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
