Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your cock deserves a montage
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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