I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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