dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
