my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
