we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
