There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
