Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
