I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you traded sex for a burrito?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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