Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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