They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
