i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
