Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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