Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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