I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
