I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
