I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't talk, ducks in the car
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
