White coat. Heels.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
