Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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