bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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