Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize