the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
