i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
