just tell him i said nine months
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
