Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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