Define "chronic" masturbator.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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