When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
