I think I won the penis lottery.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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