He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
