I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
