he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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