do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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