You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize