buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
