my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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