just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
True strength comes from lack of pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
