my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
