i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
